I Can't Shake...Home #1

This week, the Make Your Home a Haven challenge started over on the Women Living Well blog.  I love this challenge, it comes at a perfect time every year. I always intend to jump in and participate. I always say "this year I will be Home #2" but I always fall short and don't follow through.

I have to follow through.  As I read the words on the page describing Home #1 they kept jumping at me and I'd say "yes that is me."  I admit it and you know what else I admit? I hate it. I hate feeling the way I do.  I hate being discontent and angry all the time.  I hate yelling and rushing around. I hate feeling like all we do is look for shoes and sippy cups.  My husband and I have not touched each other in almost two weeks.  We just don't even communicate.

He sleeps on the couch.

I'm ashamed. I know that he loves me and he knows that I love him but we have just gotten lost in the chaos.  We don't go to church, we don't pray, we don't do anything as a family.  He's always working and I'm always yelling.

I hate it.

I want to be the woman in Home #2. I want my kids to grow up in a home that isn't dysfunctional and a crazy mess ALL OF THE TIME.  I never clean, I hate cleaning.  I look around and think "why do we have so much stuff?"  My kids don't play with any of their toys, don't read any of their books. Most of them are broken or torn. So why? Why do we hold onto it all?  Oh yeah, because mom is too lazy and too tired to get up and clean it all out.

Boy what a winner I am huh?

The worst part is I know this is the WRONG attitude to have. I know this way of thinking and living is wrong. I can see what it's doing to my kids and to my family. But why do I let it continue? Why do I keep on admitting that I'm wrong but doing nothing to change it?

I don't know honestly, but that can't change the fact that something has to change around here. We can't keep on like this. Or my family is going to suffer.

So tomorrow, I will light my candle and I will say my prayers and I will try my hardest to shake off this lazy discontentment and make my house, not just a home...but a haven.

Wish me luck!

Jaymie

Posting Again?

Well, it's been about a year since my last post here.  Yeah my kids keep me busy but that's not why I don't post, I'm just so self conscious about putting myself out there in the internet world.

But why not? Why should I be self conscious or scared as to what other people think?

So here I am again...let's make it last this time!

We are going through a new phase of our lives...for 1, my youngest will be 2 in November and nope I'm not pregnant.  It's weird...usually by this time in my other children's lives, I was expecting again. But that's ok, we are happy with our 4 wonderful babies and if we ever find ourselves blessed with a 5th well we will be happy about that too!

Another school year has come and gone, the boys final year in public school.  It's just not what it should be and well that's another post.  So this summer, after a short break, we will be starting up our homeschool routine again.  I'm excited and happy and scared.  My biggest short coming is I lack discipline and motivation.  Yes I can admit that, I really have to "suck it up" and put on my grown up pants and make it work.  We know this is what is best for our family and our children, it's just me..getting my act together.

We are also in another phase of life...paying off debt.  My husband is making, probably the lowest wage he's ever made in his working career, but we are patient and we know this is the best option for our family in today's world.  We can't focus on the lesser pay, we have to focus on what we can do with it instead.  We are blessed to live in the situation we do, even when it doesn't seem like it.  Unfortunately we don't know how long until we will have to move, so we are trying to focus on paying off our debt and living on a tight budget so that we can buy a house of our own.

So what does that mean for this blog? Well that means I'll be journaling about our experience with raising 4 kids, homeschooling, and budgeting/living below our measly means. I may start vlogging again on YouTube...not sure, if I do I will post the videos here as well. Hopefully sharing our journey will make us more accountable!

Until next time, thanks for stopping by!

Have a blessed day!

*Jaymie*